My name is Vlad. I'm a Romanian teenager with a lot of interests: sociology, economics, politics, urbanism, architecture, psychology, and whatever else you find across this site. I used to be interested in programming but moved away. All these projects and apps are simple, the work of someone who is not a professional coder.
It is important to acknowledge that a large portion of the content on the website has been AI-assisted and human-edited, and that it takes hours to ensure this content is high-quality, although it is less than entirely human-produced content.
Personal Description
I'll try to describe myself, who I am personally, without using any artificial intelligence.
I have been through a difficult circumstance. I couldn't speak until five. This significantly reduced my social abilities from the get-go and the therapy I have been in (ABA) has primarily focused on the development of an intellect for language acquisition. There was also the possibility that late speech gave me a more intellectual and less social base to start with, unrelated to the therapy.
So, I ended up with a mind prepared for knowledge accumulation. And that's what I did in my childhood. I wasn't interested in socializing. I didn't have childhood friends. I had been focusing on exact sciences from videos first and then on whatever shifting passions came up.
The feeling of loneliness that I occasionally have right now came at 15. I managed to get a friend but then broke up, realizing that not even our approaches in psychology were compatible. I also did the mistake of not listening more to the other person.
I had some interactions with potential friends, where I felt understood but I had been blocked or whatever, so I was misunderstood again.
My feelings of alienation are complicated, but it's clear that my intellectual world has mostly been neutral to depressive all the time. I read more about negative than positive stuff. And then there are things that I would rather not read, such as Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" or Satrapi's "Persepolis".
I'm not actually lonely, I am fine. I will manage to find a close friend some time in the future. My father, who is a psychologist, told me that I am better off than many other typical people with or without friends at this age.
I recognize that I am being terse in this piece of writing. This is because for a long time I have trying to achieve the ideal of "being rational all the time" through hyper-intellectualization, which has become deeply ingrained in my way of thinking.
First Vent
It's not okay to ghost assholes. It's not okay to block someone just because it is emotionally convenient for you personally to do so. At least, this is what I think.
I had been interacting with two girls from 11th grade (I'll try to stop hedging, "someone" would have been the most politically correct word). The first blocked me immediately the next day after saying a hello and what I have been doing, and this was unfair, considering that the previous day our interaction was positive and gratefulness/empathy are supposed to be permanent and not only in the moment. The second breadcrumbed me at first on a few days, but then blocked me.
I was wrong in both situations in the sense that I have been too pushy. But they have also been wrong. Out of respect and basic human decency, they should have considered my own feelings. I have felt disrespected, misunderstood and shocked. Blocking is an extreme action and should never be used as an emotional coping mechanism. Dialogue is way better.
There has been a considerable increase in the prevalence of the borderline disorder in my environment. Collectivist social values have collapsed after 1989 and today's parent's are less invested in their children than they were in the past, again, in my environment and as a generalization of the current situation in Romania.
The borderline disorder combined with new individualist values in this wild west capitalist system is characterized by an acceptance that it's okay to not respect the decisions of other people, that it's okay to give mixed signals, that it's okay to run and not say no as a valid way of rejection, that it's okay to have an inflated ego and that it's okay to have a lack of education. Too little emphasis has been put on social education and the reinsertion of collectivist values into the young generation.
Rational thinking plays an important role into regulating emotions. But rational thinking requires a learned framework. Large portions of the young generation lacks these learned frameworks, or at the least the two girls I have been interacting seem to be lacking these frameworks that ensure basic respect.
This vent ultimately has no point beyond expressing my grievances on just how bad blocking actually is and how broken our generation seems. I wrote this article because I have been blocked two times permanently without explanation and I hated it. I have been hurt.
Second Vent
This vent is an extension of the first vent. I am requesting others to not algorithmitize (create first impressions quickly and without transparency, in a way comparable with black-box, propietary algorithms) and reject me or anyone else without prior notification or reason. I have been rejected multiple times, all rejections based on algorithmizations and non-transparent impressions.
Those rejections are examples of power being excercised on me, treating my feelings and terms as inferior to theirs (the ones that reject), intentionally or accidentally. If I am not there to excercise power onto you or be in a [romantic] relationship with you, then you are also not there to excercise power onto me and inflate your ego. I may have an inflated ego, but not that much, and I don't care about your feelings if you don't communicate them with me. And certainly, I am not disposable.